Friday, January 29, 2010

"Going Commando" to meet some Ministers



Man. I am really arguing with myself to write about this. But a blog is a blog and i have to reduce my self to a lint if i am to attract some readers.

Going Commando is a word that don't go very well with "going to meet the minister of health."

Wait, wait, wait. Does everyone know what "going commando" is? If not I'll explain my best. Wikipedia says this: is the practice of not wearing underwear under one's outer clothing.

am i weird yet?

Don't ask me why i went "going commando" to meet the minister. I am not a pervert and politicians don't turn me on at all. there was nothing sexual about it. Maybe i just didn't have clean underwear and forgot my mother's advice: always have a fresh pair of qalliralaaqs (under wears).

So there i was, at Hotel Marriot, at the Victoria room, standing among people wearing ties and dresses, with a few cameras in the room. One lady showed me in and asked if i am part of the media? I said nope, here to see the minister and she said, oh, your a Inuk. I said yes and told her i am part of a research team that is getting the funding she is announcing.

That's where it began. Her eyes popped open, she just saw the best picture opportunity of the minister's career: a young Inuk man, wearing a white shirt with a black and white striped tie. Hair so dark and thick hanging across his face, little slanted eyes that just woke up an hour before, and a bow-legged walk.

the white people there must have thought, "wow is he a chinese politician? is he from Vietnam? He must be a foreign dignitary?" by the way the lady ushered me in, pushing people away, saying she has to go up to the minister. i was like Tom Cruise being led to meet Oprah Winfrey. By the way i was handled, i could have been a chinese martial artist or an entourage of the Dalai Lama. I felt important because i have never been led by a white person who wasn't either security or a cop. I was smiling from that, not because i was going to meet Leona. I have met Leona. but this was too good to her entourage.

She shook my hand and the flashes went off. cameras and flashes. she held my hand and they felt like nurse hands, cold and almost boney. She smiled and looked at the camera like she was Penelope Cruz. she asked me what i do and i told her i was researching and the funding you announced is good for us. And i told her i write a blog and other things as well. She kept saying "ajungii." Actually that belittled me more than anything because she kept saying it as if i was a little kid. I am my parents youngest child and they don't even say "ajunngiii" to me.



anyways, there i was going commando with the minister 1 inch away from my butt and who knows what and i felt weird. i wanted to get out ASAP. which i did actually, As soon as it was over, i left. i left like i was being chased by lynchers. I got out so fast that all i left was a foot mark on those plushest of carpets in downtown Ottawa hotels.

and on my way to NS all i could think of was my day is horrible. I was angry and angry at nothing and everything. Just two minutes ago, i was the greatest actor with my fake smiles and fake enthusiasm. and here i was on the bus, feeling like lashing out at people. But i didn't. But i gave people the look of seriousness and the look of anger. I was angry.

Got to NS. Opened a book and just two minutes into the book, the minister of environment and the premier of Nunavut show up to the class. I am embarrassed again as i think, "will they know i have no underwear?" And minister Shewchuck shakes me hand and shook his hand too. I don't like how qallunaat think it is good for men to shake so hard, which he did and i had to yank away. handshake is a hanshake, is a gesture, not some goddamned indicator of manliness. i didn't say that!

anyways, we were sitting and i asked him, you are the minister of environment and he says yes. I don't like politicians and i had to make a remark, because i think its absurd you can be a minister of the environment, so i remarked to him what he thinks of the weather today as the minister of environment. He says its warm. hahahaha. Does he know that i am without underwear in this warm weather?

Because i had already met a woman politician, i didn't go say hi to the premier. not because she is a women but because she is a politician. I detect fake smiles better than NASA detect new planets. i don't feel like talking to people today. remember i was angry.

to end this off, i will tell this: The minister of health Leona said "its not everyday that i get to meet my constituents" And i feel like lashing out "I am not your damn constituent, i have been living in Ottawa longer than you have." Which i don't do because my father tells me to be nice.



You decide if this is a true story. you decide if i really went commando to meet the minister of health. but i did meet all those people the other day, the question is was i or wasn't i wearing underwear?

13 comments:

Robin said...

3 things;

1: Confucius say not to go Commando when you're going to eat spicy food.

2: It would have been more interesting to tell the entourage you WERE Vietnamese, and that you were there on behalf of the Vietnamese government.

3: I like this blog. Keep it up.

Ingrid Hein - Radio Canada International said...

Tommy,
My name is Ingrid Hein, and I really love your blog and candid writing. I truly laughed out loud at this entry about going commando. I'm currently working with Radio Canada International, on a special project called "Eye on the Arctic" - it's a circumpolar media partnership focused on climate adaptation and culture with journalists from Denmark, Finaland, Greenland, Norway, Iceland, Russia and Sweden. I would definitely like to list your blog on the site blogroll.
- I have pasted the web site address below, however, the site will not be live until March 31st 2010. Would you perhaps be interested in offering us some guest blog entries? It could give your blog more exposure. Email me: arctique AT radio-canada.ca

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