Monday, October 18, 2010

Radio #5 plays Red Rover

Welcome to today's show. This is Radio #5. Don't pronounce it five, but as fye. Like fye o clock. Or fye dollar-mit? Or fye-mi it closes. Well, you get the drift. So this is Radio #5. Today on our show we are playing Red Rover. The game that many of us have played when we were young. I am sure you know all the rules, so just listen in and we'll report the play of this game.

The teams are divided into two.

On the North side, the team is composed of the Nunavut government MLA's and Inuit organization's elected executives. Often enough, we never see them working as hard together as they are now. They are dressed in fine Italian suits with matching seal skin ties and for extra grip strength, they are wearing synthetic seal skin mitts.

On the south side, we have some of the federal MP's and people from the non-renewable industry who are executives in their own respects. Often enough, we see these two working together. They are dressed in traditional Inuit clothing, designed by Gucci and Tommy Hilfiger. Man, they look good. Look those kamiks Chuck Strahl is wearing and the tight seal skin pants Stephen "The Even" Harper is sporting make Freddy Mercury look queerer than he is. And Look at that, Stockwell Day is sweating his ass off with the parka he is wearing, it looks to be two sizes too big.

Okay, the captains of each team has just chosen which coin they are calling to decide who gets to call first for the Red Rover game. The North side chooses tail and the south chooses heads. The south wins the coin toss and will call out first. This is interesting, who will they call over first. Who do they trust more than others or who do they think is stronger.

Ok, here is Stephen Harper calling the first person. He clears his throat and calls over Paul K, the entertaining and stylish NTI President. He is wearing that expensive Armani and the tie is made by a modern Inuk, which is made of seal skin with a design of the Montreal Candiens logo on it. He runs and is intending to break through and he is choosing to cross Gail Shea and Bev Oda, who both seem to be the weakest link. They look rather like poor wet puppies with those ridiculously designed amautiks they are wearing. As of we speak, my mother is criticizing the seamstress that made the amautiks. She is saying that they'll never be warm in those. And Paul K. makes it through, breaking the hands of Bev Oda in the process. So, the north side chooses Gail Shea, who does not have a broken hand.

It is time for the north team to decide who to send over. They have a bit of an advantage here, with those synthetic seal skin mitts. And they are pretty strong looking with Lorne K. and Moses A. holding hands like they are long lost lovers. And the Premier of Nunavut, Eva A. calls over the big dog of the south Stephen "The Even" Harper, who is the head of the south team. He pulls up his seal skin pants (they look rather tight) and proceeds to run, full blast. Oh no, he trips and falls face first on the ground. Oh look he gets up still and runs to Daniel S. who holds his ground to stop Stephen Harper. He switches to the North team.

Well, this is Radio #5, who brought you the Red Rover game between the south and the north. We are not going to cover the whole game because that would be so boring. I mean, both teams look ridiculous in their uniforms and they're playing a children game that ceased to be popular in the 80's. Nowadays, we have kids that have iPod's and video games.

So to end the show, I will be throwing copper coins at both teams.

Here is my first throw... it hits Eva A. right on the head. She gives me a mean look.

Second throw: it lands on the federal minister of health and knocks her out. She starts sobbing and Harper has to console her - while the rest of her team - they all look dejected.

Third throw: oh look at this! Stockwell Day catches it and throws it back to me. He smiles and hits me on my forehead. Oh look at that, what a catch.

Well, i have just interrupted a historic game of Red Rover. This definitely will not go to the history books.

This is Radio #5.

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