Kuniks and Kakivaks - March 12, 2010
Inuit political leaders have announced that they will eat foie gras next week on Monday while wearing thousand dollar alligator shoes.
After the controversial (to qalunnaat) meal of seal meat (more like snack) by parliamentarians, the Inuit political leaders have decided that they'll prove to the world that food and animal clothing is normal by eating foie gras from France and wearing alligator shoes from Louisiana.
"It was hard to ship the alligator shoes and purses to the Arctic and expensive to order foie gras from France", says an anonymous Inuit leader "But we are committed to saving controversial industries of the world, and we stand hand in hand with the duck farmers of France and the Alligator farmers of Louisiana."
In a rare show of solidarity from consumers of animal meat and skins, the three parties have agreed to cooperate and advertise each industry through out the world. The Inuit leaders have decided that they'll wear alligator skin shoes and purses instead of seal skin kamiks and bags while in their offices and conducting media interviews, while the duck farmers of France have agreed to supplement their diet with fresh seal shipped to them every two weeks and the alligator farmers plan to wear the water proof seal skin kamiks while tending to their flock of alligators.
"We have a lot in common with the seal hunters of the far north," says Wayne Sagrera representative of the alligator farmers union in Louisiana, "Historically, our industries have been the target of animal right activities for a number of years now and have been the main culprits to the falling prices of the both alligator and seal skins." says Mr. Sagrera who is a tall man in his 60's with a full white hair on his head and is strangely bow-legged like the Inuit seal hunters of the Arctic.
And the duck farmers of France who have been producing foie gras for the past 2500 years believe that they have something inherently in common with the Inuit hunters as well saying: "food is food and we all got to eat. We cannot all survive on vegetables and tofu, their are too many processed food that end up in the stores, we are simply trying to provide an alternative."
That alternative has been the main preoccupation of PETA activist who oppose the hunts of both alligators and seals and have been opposed vehemently to the mistreatment of poor ducks of France. Ingrid Newkirk, the president of PETA has asked all parties to re-think their strategies and stop all production and mistreatment of animals, saying: "they are all cute, how can you just kill cute animals?"
Despite such questions, Inuit leaders are excited to be wearing the flashy shoes and bags. One female Inuk politician is excited to be wearing the purse that a poor Louisiana woman had to make, saying "we only see them in movies and now we are going to flaunt them in the Arctic. We are going to eat foie gras like we are eating the liver of a seal and saviour it as well."
"You know, we tried collaborating with the Newfies [sic] with the seal industry but they are pretty barbaric with their hakapiks, you know, and they have been naive enough to bring all those activist with them on their hunts which further deteriorated our image as responsible and sustainable Inuit seal hunters, so now we have decided to unite with other people who are as controversial as we are," says the Inuit leaders who contacted the duck and alligator farmers. She says that the strategy is to inform the world that eating and wearing animals is as natural as sleeping and should not be condoned outright without looking at human being's sustainable right to use the environment.
"if PETA really wants to protect the environment and animals of this world of ours, I believe, that they should look at the bigger picture and approach the livelihood of all living organisms in a holistic way, meaning that hunting and harvesting, if done sustainably, counter-balances the over-population of some animals that eat away more than they need to. I don't want people to listen to Perez Hilton or Kelly Osbourne or Pamela Anderson. What do they know about the necessities of food and clothing when they grew up in comfortable homes and heated housing, while Inuit are growing up in moulded and over-crowded houses?" says Mr. Sagrera, who says he cares so much for the Inuit that he sheds tears while sobbing uncontrollably in the end of the interview.
So the next time you see a Inuit politician, ask him or her "Can i try those shoes on" or "can i touch that purse" or "do you have an extra goose liver by any chance?"
Reporting done by Kuniks and Kakivaks main foreign correspondent Tommy Eh.
On another note, Inuit, Louisiana alligator farmers and France's duck farmers disagree on the severity of global warming and have agreed to disagree with each other on the subject.